Tell, Don’t Ask

Fredericksburg Clouds

If there’s one thing that plagues multiple areas of our lives – not only our relationships – it’s a lack of confidence.  Even the most trivial of events can lead you to think you’re insufficient, so how do you keep this from being your downfall?  It’s quite simple actually.

When confidence is lost, the classic fall-back is to question.  You question yourself, and you ask for others’ approval through further questioning.  Asking if you are sufficient is a form of feeling even more insufficient.  On the inside, we know ourselves extremely intimately.  We know that we are sufficient, that we are unique, and that we are integral to the lives of others.  The key is to set off a constant reminder of this extraordinary fact.  Whether it be through a personal incantation or by verbally stating why you are significantly sufficient – the key is repetition.


Let’s take it to the relationship level.  Interpretation is a sibylline devil, and it can easily explode out of proportion.  If you interpret something your significant other says to be disappointment with you, your confidence level in all other areas of your life is bound to drop.  You’ll begin to believe that if you’re not sufficient in that one area, you’re not sufficient on any level.

Interpretation is only a fickle bitch when you attempt to tame it yourself.  Immediately before your confidence dives into the pool of despair, share your interpretation with your significant other and ask for further clarification.  If nothing else, it will stimulate communication that is worth more than almost anything else in your relationship.  Communication opens a mental tunnel between both of your brains.  It allows you to understand your significant other’s reactions to your actions.

The key lesson here is to not leave the interpretation in your own hands.  Unless you said it, your interpretation is not 100% accurate.  And that’s okay!  It’s a reason to interact with the person you love!

Who You Are

Once you understand how to deal with interpretation, there’s only one other big action to take.  Exude your confidence.  Don’t ask if you’re sufficient – explain why you’re sufficient.  Don’t ask if you messed up – explain your intentions.  Don’t ask your significant other if they believe in you – believe in them, and they will naturally believe in you, in return. 

Have you ever loved somebody so much that you just couldn’t stop smiling?  So much that you felt an exclusive warmness in your heart?  So much that you knew they could feel it radiating from you?  My bet is that you got some sort of love in return from that.  You probably didn’t have to ask for it, either.  The same goes with confidence.  If you believe in yourself, so will the person you love.  But you have to do it for you.  You have to believe in yourself, for yourself.  Don’t ask for significance; tell your lover why he or she is significant!

Now go out and flood someone with your confidence!

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