Freedom – My Dad’s a Child-Molester

Mums Wedding Bouquet

These are Jessica’s flowers.  We left them on the small brick wall that was right next to our table at our wedding reception.  When we walked back down to lay them down, all the balloons were gone, the tables and chairs weren’t present, the people were gone, and all that was left was us.

You know, this post has been in “draft” form for some time now.  I originally intended for it to be my “WE’RE DEBT FREE!” post, but I’m glad that I didn’t post it back then.  I’m glad that I waited, because I’ve finally discovered what freedom really is.

My biological father (Don Friday) sent me an email yesterday.  He sends one every few months, to “check up” on me.  I’ve written a post or two about my biological father, so I don’t need to go into detail here about that.  I will, however, continue to get this weight off of my chest, and that starts here.

I have never confronted my biological father.  I decided it was finally time to do so.  I told him that I know he’s a child-molester, a child-porn addict, and an abuser.  He mentally abused my mother for 26 years of marriage.  That’s right.  He is a repulsive individual, and you know what?  I’m okay with the world knowing that.

Don Friday is a pedophile child molester.

When an abuser/manipulator is revealed, his power is gone.  I told my biological father that he is not my father, and I am not his son.  The good news is, I don’t get along with him anyway.  He’s always been a shitty father.  Shitty is actually an understatement, and that gives him too much credit.

Here is his response to my informing him that I know of all the illegal/illicit/sick things he’s done:

I will continue to pray for you, Casey, and for healing in your life. I’m very sorry for the feeling you have and any pain I may have caused you, but I’ll never give up on you. You are my son and always will be.

Dad

Yup.  That’s his response to my 8-paragraph, 557-word confrontational message to him, telling him I know he is a pedophile child molester.  He’ll pray for me.  He’ll never give up on me.  Really?  Don’t worry, I called him on this, and he did not respond again, because he knows he’s guilty.

Here is my PSA to men everywhere: Man the fuck up.

The more people that know about Don’s sick, manipulative tendencies, the better.  Every person who knows takes away from his power.  And that is a magical thing.  This is freedom. I’ll say it again,

Don Marshall Friday is a pedophile child molester.

I am now free from this burden that I’ve held for my family for so long.  It’s not mine to carry any more.  He’s going to have to fight his own battles now, rather than having his family fight them for him.  That gives me a satisfaction that can only be conveyed with a smile.

I am sick of reading about/hearing about men being little boys.  Here’s the deal though – I couldn’t care less about what others choose to do.  I can only control the things I do and say.  I do not take that responsibility lightly.  I don’t take my marriage lightly.  I don’t take my friendships lightly.  I don’t take communication lightly.

I am a strong fucking man, and I’m not afraid to say it.

I am free because I choose to be.  I am free because I love my wife, and I make sure she knows that every single day.  I am free because I will not fight someone else’s battles.  I am free because I communicate openly.  I am free because I don’t keep secrets from those I love.  I am free because I don’t abuse others.

Don (my biological father) is a sick human being, and I turned out okay.  Better than okay – with no thanks to him.  If you’re in a similar situation, pat yourself on the back, and start making your own future.  Nobody can change your life except you.

21 Replies to “Freedom – My Dad’s a Child-Molester”

  1. Well, you just blew my post out of the water. I HAPPILY accept that.

    Yes, you are. A man. A strong fucking man.

    Hot DAMN. I’m listening to 30STM right now, reading this, and I feel like I could lift up a car. 😀

    I love you!

  2. Oh Casey. I am so proud to know you and for you to be in my family. You are a strong man and I couldn’t ask for a better partner for my beloved daughter.

    1. I will always be that for her, and I will always be here for you. Like I said, I don’t take the relationships in my life lightly. You’re a strong woman, and no one can ever take that from you.

  3. fucking amazing.

    I’m also a firm believer what you mentioned, the thought that you can’t control other’s behavior, you can only control the way you respond to their behavior. this is a beautiful example of that.

    1. It’s sad but true that we can only control our own destinies. That said, I’m not letting a single thing get in the way of me being the man I choose to be.

      Thanks, Sarah.

  4. Hi, I have went through a similar situation and decided to confront my dad about his sick problem and how it has affected my life. I know I wouldn’t be the strong independent person I am today with out having to deal with the ordeal I had to, but I still shouldn’t have had to deal with it. My father seemed to be the perfect father, husband, and citizen. Then seven years ago one of my sisters friends came forward and stated he molested her. With that more came forward including my friends. Luckily my sister and I were not involved in his twisted fantasy. For seven years I carried guilt, shame, and all other emotional things with me. I finally decided to confront my dad about 6 months ago, because we didn’t talk About it. Either I was not taking his calls until I was overwhelmed with guilt that his is my only dad. Then I would talk to him for a little bit then slip back into ignoring him. When I did confront him he wanted me to know how HE felt every time I stopped taking his calls, how selfish right! Then he went on to say he has paid for what he has done, like 3 years of jail time has made up for ruining my life, my sisters, my mothers, with who knows how many girls. He honestly thinks this. But as u said, I am finally free. I no longer have guilt, he gave that to me through our talk. He is no longer going to make me feel like i did for 7 years. And it feels great! Just thought I would share, you are definitely not alone in this world, and it’s good to know I’m not either!

  5. Incredible and well done. My molester when I confronted me told me he’d pray for me to. Right now his daughter my half sister is in such denial that she is angry at me and not him for the abuse!! You give me hope. The most difficult psychological task in the world is to face evil in your own parentage and you have achieved that!!

    1. I think hiding behind religion works well for people with psychological issues – like molesters. I call my biological father out every time he tries to hide behind his religion, and I think the real key is, I’ve never liked him; so it’s easy for me to tell him the things he doesn’t want to hear.

      Stay strong, and don’t give up being true to yourself!

  6. Wow… This is some ballsy stuff. Good for you. Shame on your father. We cannot control our origins, but we can control our destinies. Forget about the past, and strive forward.

  7. Well Casey,

    I heard about your story on the news yesterday and for some reason it stuck in my head until I got to work and through my over-night shift your story kept popping up!!

    Needless to say, You are my new hero!!
    You are a very inspiring man and I thank you for publicly offering your trade, life experiences and wisdom.

    May you continue to be blessed and thank you

    Nancy * your new follower on social media.

    1. That’s very kind of you, Nancy! Dealing with the issue of this post over the past three years has been part of the struggle that has made it so rough. Now my wife and I have finally decided it’s time to step back and take a breather, and really start enjoying life the way we’ve wanted to for years now.

      Thanks for your kind words.

  8. Casey, I feel like you know exactly what I’m going through. I found your blog when I go ogled “my father is a child molester”. I was disappointed to find a bunch of blogs that are basically various forms of pedophile apologetics. Your blog was the 3rd link I found.

    When my half sister(biologically not his) was 5 (I was 1 at the time) years old my father molested her. He was able to convince my mom for years that it was just a play time accident. My sister confronted him when she was 16, and called him out for being a liar. I was told of this information during my parents divorce when I was 17. My dad did the same grimy half ass confession that you described. He acted as though the fact that it only happened once and that he has been “good” all these years somehow absolved him. At the time he used the playtime accident excuse. Unfortunately I fell for it. My younger brothers went with my mother, and I stayed with him. My mom was a victim of his emotional abuse. Every time she tried to leave, he threatened to kill himself and leave a note blaming her, for us to find. My dad had a couple suicide attempts during the height of the divorce. I’m now convinced they were an act to convince me to stay with him. As a 17 year old CHILD I felt responsible for my father’s well being. I blamed myself. I buried all my doubts because I felt if I left him, he would kill himself. My mom had no way to get away from him, so she resorted to having affairs on his dime. I had felt so betrayed, and so worried about him, that I blinded myself. To compound things further, my father came out as a cross dresser (I now suspect he uses this to cover up the more sinister truth that he’s a pedophile) and began dressing like a woman full time. Being the progressive minded person I was, I accepted and supported his change despite the stigma and certain social consequences. The molestation alegation, the affairs and inevitable divorce, the cross dressing were all revealed to me within the period of a week. My dad at the time convinced me my mother and sisters were not honest and could not be trusted. Since my sister had helped cover up the affairs, I fell for it.

    I got together with my future wife when I was 20. We now have 3 children including my step daughter who I’ve been raising since she was 1. My children have never been alone with him, but things about him have never set completely right with me. I’ve recently learned that he also hoards child pornography. I also learned a few days ago that he had molested his younger sister on several occasions when she was 9-11, and he was 16-17. My mother informed me of the allegation, and I contacted my dad’s sister and confirmed it. My father has been estranged from most of his brothers in sisters for the last 20 years and now I know why. He had various excuses usually claiming they were. Drug addicted sociopaths.

    For the last 10 years I’ve only had bits and pieces of the picture. I never had the courage to uncover the rest. I loved my father, I didn’t want it to be true. I’ve maintained a relationship for all these years. Raising my children made me face the reality that I have to protect them, and I owed it to them to learn the truth. I learned of the extent of my sisters abuse last month and have been dreading this confrontation. I had to turn over some very old stones, and what was hiding beneath it was the hideous reality that my dad is a pedophile, and child molester. I feel so dirty, I’ve been defending and making excuses for a child molester instead of defending my sister for the last 10 years. I feel like he brought me down to his level ever so briefly. I feel so manipulated.

    He called me the morning after I talked to his sister, asking me why I had just added her on facebook. I told him that he already knew why. I yelled at him, I told him I hated him for the things he’s done and being a liar. I told Him I was ashamed that he was my father. I told him that he lost me and my brothers the moment he touched my sister. I told him that he knew this day was coming. He’s never spent a day in jail, he’s never been publicly outed, he’s never been held accountable period.

    He had no remorse. No apologies. He said what happened with his sister and he claims it was harmless experimentation (she was 9-11 he was 16-18 and from speaking to her, she does not see it that way) He then unbelievably tried to trivialize by saying since his penis was never out, he didn’t really molest anyone. He told me I was blaming him for all my own issues. He told me cutting him off would bring me no peace. I said we’re done here and hung up the phone.

    That was two days ago. I know our situations are not exactly alike as I had a relatively close relationship with my father(I was emotionally and physically abused by this man most of my childhood, I feel as though I suffered from some form of Stockholm Syndrome). However your story rings true to me on so many different levels.

    I’m 28 now and have a wonderful family. I’m still both sad and angry. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to mend my relationships with my mother and sister in recent years. I’m thankful that they empowered me to find the answers and hold my dad accountable. I’m thankful my children were never in a position to be hurt by him.

    Sorry for posting a blog on your blog, I just wanted you to know your words often mirror my exact thoughts in this blog and it felt good to share my story. I appreciate it. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has faced this. Thank you.

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